Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize