If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
