Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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