So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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