She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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