i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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