I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't deserve a penis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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