Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
