STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
