I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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