Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
