I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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