I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize