No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
