I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
