i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
