you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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