Non-Jews are for practice
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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