He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
