I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
