Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize