so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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