"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
