in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
