my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
