Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
