Are we in a gay sports bar?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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