Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
