is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
