hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
