I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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