Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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