Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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