I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
