And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
