eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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