white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
