he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
