Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
