Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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