No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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