the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
