If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
