I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
