Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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