How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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