Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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