she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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