So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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