i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Randomize