i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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