White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
