I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
