I only kidnapped one of them. chill
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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