my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
