I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
