I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i have two assholes
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
