just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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