In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
