I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
