Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
