so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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