I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
