we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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