I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
