just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize