I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
