is your mom at the bar?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
