we should wear snuggies to the strip club
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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