im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
