Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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