Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
