turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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